One week old.

Small Fry has been here for one week -- and what a week it's been.  While there are no pictures today (I know, so sorry...very few precious moments of quiet these days), I wanted to write all this down before it escapes my memory.

Small Fry's arrival was nothing like I'd prepared for or anticipated.  It was without a doubt the craziest hour and forty-five minutes of my life.  I will spare you the gory details...but let's just say that Small Fry arrived in a flourish!  I was worried he would come quickly -- I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for weeks that were pretty steady and lasted a long time.  But, I had no idea he would arrive as quickly as he did.

Fawn and I had a wonderful day together last Tuesday.  We went to story time at the library, followed by a picnic lunch and some really fun play time at Hidden Park.  After his nap, we went to a friend's house to play for the afternoon.  Then we picked up a pizza and snuggled on the sofa eating pizza and watching Mater's Tall Tales (Fawn is obsessed with Cars!).  Buck was at a church meeting until pretty late, so it was just my little man and me.  (Oh, and of course, my sweet mom came by to give Fawn a bath -- the belly was just too huge to bend down into the bathtub!)  I stayed up late waiting for Buck, who arrived home shortly before 10 pm, and then Buck and I chatted for a good 45 minutes or so.  I share this just to say that of course I would go into labor after staying up as late as I'd stayed up in MONTHS.  Poor Buck was up until midnight or so...so he was really running on low fuel when chaos ensued.

I woke up at 2:31 am to go to the bathroom -- figured it was just one of my many pregnancy bathroom breaks of the night.  When I got back in bed I felt like the contractions that were starting were more than just the Braxton Hicks I'd been having.  I got my iPhone and started timing them on a labor app.  I figured that if they were still going on at 4 am, I'd wake Buck up and we'd start preparing for the hospital.  By 3 am, I thought it was the real deal and it was happening fast.  I got Buck up and we decided we'd wait a few more minutes before calling his mom to come sit with Fawn.  (Buck's mom was on Fawn duty and my mom was labor and delivery back-up.)  Very soon after Buck was awake I told him we had to call his mom now, but that we didn't need her for 20 or 30 minutes.  I got dressed and finished throwing the last minute items into my hospital bag.  Buck's mom was pretty speedy getting to our house (thank goodness, looking back!) and we went ahead to St. Vincent's.  Buck called my doctor on the way and my mom, who was going to head our way.  I flipped on our hazard lights and told Buck to get me to the hospital N.O.W.

We pulled into St. Vincent's at 3:50 am.  It was rough for me making it from the parking lot to the labor floor, and when we got there we were put in triage.  We stayed in triage just long enough for them to check me at which point they wheeled me to an actual room.  The labor room was filled with people setting up for delivery -- and I was confused.  My body was telling me that things were happening quickly, but my head was telling me that there was no way the baby could arrive so soon.  By the time they got me in the hospital bed I was complete, the doctor walked into the room, and we were delivering a precious angel -- the perfect completion to our family.  Yep, he arrived just 28 minutes after we pulled in to the hospital!  Craziest 28 minutes of my life. 

I have to admit that for a couple days after Small Fry's birth I was simply coming up for air.  I couldn't believe what had ensued so quickly and kept reliving the experience in my head (when I should have been sleeping!).  I thought about how many things had to go right for us to make it to the hospital in the nick of time -- my mother-in-law living close to us and coming quickly to watch Fawn, living so close to St. Vincent's, and me waking Buck up and getting to the hospital so quickly after labor began.  (Since I'd been having so many Braxton Hicks contractions I had this huge fear that I would arrive at the hospital only to be sent home...so I really was resistant to going to the hospital "too soon".)  Buck kept assuring me that there was no way this wasn't "real" labor.  He was right.

I know that Buck and I will never forget the birth of this angel.  And, he is a precious little angel.  He is just the sweetest thing.  I promise pictures very soon. 

Nesting Nonsense.

Whew...we've been busy around here.  Buck and I both seem to have caught the nesting bug.  The good news is that the house is super clean and organized.  And, the bad news is that as soon as baby #2 arrives I'm sure that will all go out the window.  A fresh start feels good, though. 

We've gutted Fawn's playroom -- removing the "grown-up" furniture to make room for baby things and give Fawn some much needed additional space to play.  Now our family room is looking a little frat house/bachelor pad with some mismatched furniture.  Just a sign of the times with little ones around...there are plenty of years for a nice, decorated look.

The baby things have been moved from the attic and re-assembled.  Buck's replenished his stash of batteries for all the gadgets too.

Car seat base is in -- after a stop at our friendly neighborhood fire department.  You would have thought we'd have remembered after a year of using the thing, but better to know we've got it in correctly.

I've washed and organized all of the gender neutral clothing -- in all honesty basically all of the newborn and 0-3 month sized clothes without Fawn's name or monogram.  I see no reason why a little girl (though I'm still convinced we're having a boy) couldn't wear a blue outfit to sleep. 

Oh, there's still more to do -- I've got a couple more loads of laundry (baby towels, changing pads, sheets for the bassinet, baby blankets), I've got to pack the hospital bags (I've made a list and stocked up on travel sized toiletries, but it all needs to be assembled), and I need to make sure everything for Fawn is organized for my stay in the hospital.  But, we're feeling more prepared, more excited, and yes more scared.  Let the countdown begin...

Baby #2 Update.

After a slight early labor scare this week (which turned out to be nothing, no worries at all!), all is well with the growing bambino.  (Sweet Buck has updated his Christmas list:  "I'll tell you what I don't want for Christmas...this baby to get here before Christmas.")  He or she is measuring about a week and a half ahead (as this pregnancy has from the beginning).  I knew I looked HUGE!  I'm still holding my own in the great Buck vs. Belle weigh-in -- while I'm too modest (and vain) to reveal actual numbers, I've still got some poundage to give before I throw in the towel on this one.  And, this baby is helping my efforts -- he or she is so high that I can't really eat much right now in any one sitting anyway.  I've heard friends talk about this, but didn't experience it at all with Fawn...so something new in this pregnancy.

Heart rate is 142.  This is how things went down at the doctor's office.
Nurse: "Oh, you don't know what you're having."
Me: "We're excited about the surprise."
Nurse: "Sounds just like a boy to me."
Seriously?!?!  I mean, while I respect her humble opinion and am grateful for the kind care received, who says that to someone who clearly wants this baby to be a surprise.  Too funny!

Still no baby names.  I think we are getting close on both the boy and girl side, but nothing is decided.  And, if you know me, you'll know I'm a pretty terrible decision maker.  So, even if I "settle" on something there is a greater than fifty percent chance I will change my mind in the next eight weeks.  Yep, eight weeks til chaos.  Oh, and excitement, love, joy, miracles, and siblings!  Can't wait!

Anonymous.

I am loving having baby number two be a surprise.  And, I think the baby likes it too.  Case in point, at my last OB appointment (I passed my glucose test, by the way (yeah!), despite the influx of Halloween candy at our house), the baby's heartbeat was 140.  I.e., the "breaking point" if you will for the old wives tale predicting gender based on heartbeat.  For some reason, when Buck told me that, I thought it was hysterical.  Buck has been checking the Chinese gender predictor calendar (I honestly don't remember what it said this time...it predicted Fawn was a girl, so I'm not hanging my hat on its accuracy) and the heartbeat, while I really am loving a surprise being a surprise.  That's not to say I don't like the guessing game...because I do.  I think the overwhelming prediction has been that we are adding another boy to this family, though there are a couple girl holdouts.  Either way we are truly blessed, so excited, and very thankful! 

Baby Update and Belly Pic.

My little photographer took this picture (as is quite obvious by the height angle).  His current fascination with the baby ends with the belly pictures though.  He's had it with baby talk.  He continues to insist that the baby is in fact a cat (referring to it as both Figaro and Mr. Teddy Bones, which we finally figured out was a cat that Mickey Mouse goes fishing for in one episode) and meowing into my belly to talk to the cat (seriously, I kid you not).  I'm just laying low for now and figure he'll return to his sweet baby talk and excitement at some point .  .  . or not.  I am holding out hope, though, because he still gets very excited when he sees other babies -- and he loves to feel the baby kick (which usually occurs when Fawn is sitting in my lap for book reading before nap or night time).  It's as if the baby is trying to kick Fawn out of my lap.  Fawn, though, views the gesture as pure fun!  I am trying to emotionally prepare myself for the sadness that surely is to come when Fawn isn't my one and only.  I know our moments of being a family of three are fleeting -- and while that is so exciting, there is definitely a loss that comes with this precious time ending.  I know the loss will soon be replaced by bigger, better, more exciting things.  And we are so very excited to complete our family with this precious new addition.  But, for now, there's the looming loss and my fear of how both Fawn and I will react to the changes heading our way.

Over the hump.

We are well past the halfway point of this pregnancy!  While at times I thought it would never end (i.e., weeks 6 through 15), the past few weeks have slipped away in the blink of an eye.  And, I'm sad.  There's something so magical -- but yet so grounding -- about being pregnant.  For me, it's a time when I feel so much more connected to God and His creation, to my husband, and to my mom.  I love the belly, even if that means my wardrobe is drastically limited.  I love the kicks and gymnastics, even when they keep me up at night.  I even kind of like the heartburn because I am a believer in the old wives tale that you have heartburn while your baby is growing hair.  Fawn arrived with a head full of the most beautiful, softest, dark hair.  I keep picturing our new baby with that sweet fuzz!

Right now, though, the thing that warms my heart the most is Fawn's enthusiasm for this little one.  Whenever he spots a baby in public, he shouts "there's a baby".  And, then follows up with -- "I'll bring my baby to [fill in name of location]".  And, he prays for the baby (whom he currently calls "Figaro") every night by saying "And thank you for Figaro" -- it is too sweet!  I just know he is going to be the most wonderful big brother, though I'm not sure his younger sibling will ever get a word in edge-wise.

So now we wait until February.  When I'm flipping through my calendar, that seems like a lifetime away.  But, when I stop to think about all that is going to occur between now and then (beach trip with Buck's family, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Fawn's third birthday -- not to mention multiple other family birthdays!) I know it will be here before we know it.  We can't wait to meet you little one -- we love you already!

Fawn's Name Suggestions.

August 27, 2011

Fawn has been quite animated this week in his suggestions of baby names.  The front-runners in his mind are:

1. Figaro (as in the cat from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse)
2. Mr. Teddy Bone (we have no idea, if this is a reference to some book or cartoon character that I'm not aware of will you please email me?)
3. Mr. Duck

We've been throwing out some of our name possibilities to Fawn, in part to see how he pronounces them and how his future brother or sister may pronounce their name.  This has led to much confusion, as I think Fawn now believes there is a baby boy AND a baby girl growing in mommy's belly.  Not so, my friend.  Twins run in my family, so the first thing I asked at our initial ultrasound was "it's just one right?"  Confirmed.  I've always loved the idea of multiples.  And, in a fantasy land, twins sound like so much fun but I'm not sure I have the patience or endurance to handle that.  Hats off to my friends who do so flawlessly!!!

As for the naming thing, I'm not that worked up about it this time around (par for the course on baby #2 I guess).  We are not going to find out the gender of this baby, so picking a name doesn't feel like a reality yet.  Buck, the "planner" of the family will likely be rattled by this wait and see approach so I'm sure we'll narrow down to a few possibilities before February.

Naming a baby is such a big responsibility, but also such a personal one.  As I told my sweet mom, "don't give me suggestions because I won't use them."  I don't mean it with any disrespect, and I've loved that my mom has shared with me lists of family names.  But, I'm not open to someone saying "what about [insert first name] [insert middle name]" because to me that feels like they are naming my baby and I'm not.  I might make an exception for Fawn, though, because Figaro does have a certain ring to it.

The Man with the Yellow Hat.

August 22, 2011

Fawn is well aware that I've got a baby growing in my belly.  But, I know he's only two and doesn't really get it.  Case in point: my brother asked him if mommy was going to have a boy baby or a girl baby on Sunday.  Fawn's response: "Um, mommy's going to have a man with the yellow hat."  Can you tell we've been watching Curious George to make it through mommy's morning sickness?

Cat's Out of the Bag.

August 5, 2011

Buck and I have been spreading the news of the yet-to-be-given-a-blog-name baby growing in my belly.  I am relieved to have told both of my bosses (1) My ballet teacher boss because clearly I cannot teach children ballet when I'm as big as a whale -- I mean how do you remark on the pointing of toes and the placement of feet when you can't even see your own? and (2) My law firm boss because while my part time work can continue for now, February will be here before I know it.  And, we've begun telling friends.  I would much rather tell my friends in person, but many of them I unfortunately rarely see and I definitely don't want them to hear it through the grapevine.  So, I guess it's time to send some emails or texts.  While still pretty impersonal, much better than a facebook post.


I am feeling better with the big caveat that I feel TERRIBLE on days following sleepless nights.  It makes perfect sense, but it's still a really bad cycle!  I have also discovered that (decaf) coffee makes me feel horrendous for the entire day.  Hmmm....because it tastes so good.  Current foods of choice: frozen nutrigrain waffle topped with nutella, bananas, cheese sticks, anything spicy (speaking of which, I'm thinking chicken nachos for dinner), chicken orzo soup.

Although the weight gain is still minimal, I look more pregnant each and every day.  I am definitely rocking the "muffin top" look.  I know everyone loves a belly picture, and I will take them and share when there's actually a certifiable baby bump.

Latest Check-Up.

July 28, 2011

Buck and I went to my OB check-up this morning -- I'm right at eleven weeks.  We were able to hear the heartbeat, which is always magical.  I'd heard it during my first ultrasound, but it's still so precious to know there's a little creature thriving inside of you.


I can't believe we're nearing the end of the first trimester and the period of secrecy.  I'm feeling a little better each day (quite a relief) and while I'm still exhausted, I am so looking forward to the second trimester jolt of energy.  I definitely need it.

I continue to be so very thankful to God for placing another baby in our lives.  We cannot wait to have our family complete.  February will be here before we know it!

The Spread.

July 28, 2011

I have gained three pounds so far this pregnancy (in eleven weeks) -- right on track (and I can assure you the last time I share pregnancy weight gain on this blog).  The only reason I share is to say that even three pounds can cause quite the spread.  I am already in maternity shorts and jeans.  A few pair of dress pants still fit (thankfully) as do most of my summer dresses, which is great.

Just shows though what a difference it makes to have already been pregnant.  My body is expanding even if the number on the scale is barely inching up.  With Fawn I wasn't really into any maternity clothes until about week 20.  Now, not only do I really look pregnant, but my clothes tell the same tale.  Which, by the way, is totally fine with me...only problem, we haven't shared our big news with anyone besides our family.  So maybe I'm not kidding anyone.  Or maybe folks think I'm just out of shape.  Bring on the belly -- it's my favorite part of pregnancy!

I went maternity clothes shopping last weekend and got some cute stuff for great deals.  With Fawn, I purchased some great work and church clothes but was lucky to borrow a friend's mommy maternity wardrobe -- it was fabulous.  Great tops, casual dresses, fabulous jeans.  But, this time around I'm on my own as she is pregnant with number four!!!  Anyway, back to my shopping expedition.  I didn't want to spend a lot of money so I hit Kohl's and Target.  I ended up with a cotton cardigan, cute tank, short sleeved shirt, and long-sleeved T from Kohl's for a whopping $50.  And, jeans and khaki shorts from Target for $60.  Enough to get me through (though if you see me around town in the same outfit two days in a row -- or every single week, please don't judge!).

Not So Fast.

July 23, 2011

Okay...when I said I felt better, I did for a few days.  Now the morning sickness is back with a vengeance.  Coupled with exhaustion, and getting back into the swing of things at home and work after our beach vacation, this has been one rough week.  I feel like the past day or two might have been slightly better, so I'm hopeful that there are more good days in my future.


The ironic thing is that I was really starting to worry that I wasn't feeling bad. . . and then it hit me again.  While feeling bad is pretty terrible, it does take some of my worry away (rightly or wrongly, I'm not sure) because I view it as a reminder that the little one is indeed growing inside me -- I've got the side effects to prove it.

Here's hoping that the good days start to outnumber the bad and that I truly rely on God to ease my worries, rather than pregnancy side effects.

It's a ...

baby!  While we could have found out the gender last week at our ultrasound, we've decided that this bambino will be a surprise.  I was the one pushing the surprise route -- I think nothing will be more special than hearing Buck's voice say to me "it's a boy/girl" or "we have a son/daughter".  And, I can't wait to see the look on his face when he makes the announcement.  Buck, being the supportive spouse that he is, has embraced the idea of the surprise (though he's quite the planner) and even seems excited about it too.

Thank goodness we didn't want to know the gender because, frankly, this little one was so uncooperative at the ultrasound I'm not sure we could have found out if we'd wanted to.  He or she is very happy curled up in a heap on the left side of my body (has been for weeks, I can tell because that's where all the movement is).  At our ultrasound, it was no different.  We saw both legs (firmly squeezed together, not letting his/her secret out) and both arms (covering the face so we couldn't even get a profile or face shot).  But, really nothing more.  I wasn't disappointed at all -- I know February will be here before we know it and we will see this little one up close and personal.  We can't wait!

As for the stats:

Measuring for a 2/11 due date...so maybe early like Fawn (who knows, though!)
Heart Rate: 150
Weight Gain: yeah right...
Buck's Gender Prediction: Girl
Belle's Gender Prediction: Boy
Fawn's Gender Prediction: two babies -- a boy and a girl (not happening sweet thing)

Feeling Better.

July 17, 2011

It is a miracle -- I am feeling so much better.  While I don't think I'm all the way through with the morning sickness, the worst appears to be over (knock on wood).  No more Zofran for me -- thank goodness since it's so hard for me to determine if the nausea is worse or the side effects of the medicine!  I'm feeling like my old self again.  It's amazing how feeling bad can translate into so many other parts of your life.  And, I'm glad I can resume my wife, mom, worker duties with my normal attitude and excitement.  I am so thankful!

I still can't eat anything sweet (so odd!).  Even most fruits are just too much to handle.  I'm surviving on pasta salad, tomatoes and cucumbers doused in vinegar, spicy pimiento cheese, bagels with butter and Parmesan cheese, and cheese biscuits.  I'm trying to eat as healthy as possible for the sweet bambino growing in my belly.  And, it's true that good-for-me foods are the ones that taste the best and settle the best.  Meats are still a challenge, but a yummy veggie plate hits the spot for dinner.  The only beverage I can drink is water, but that's not a bad thing!

The Stats.

July 7, 2011

My first doctor's appointment for the growing bambino was last week.
Due Date: February 20.
Heart Rate: 147.  

I got to see the little one on an ultrasound, which is always so cool.  Very much tadpole like at this point, but still cool.

To say I'm not feeling well would be the understatement of the century.  The morning sickness never ends, and seems to actually intensify as the day progresses.  Puking is in full swing.  My sweet doctor prescribed Zofran which I've broken down and taken twice in the last week (I would take it more but it seems to replace puking with a pounding, dizzy headache which can't be a good thing when entrusted with a two-year old). 

Speaking of Fawn, he's been an angel lately as if he knows that Mommy feels like C.R.A.P.  He knows that there's a baby's in Mommy's tummy (but not in Daddy's "cause men don't have babies" -- very perceptive).  He put his ear up to my belly a couple days ago and reported that the baby said "I Wuv You".  That baby is going to love you sweet Fawn -- there's nothing not to love and I'm convinced you will be an awesome big brother.

As for Buck and me, we are in survival mode until I'm feeling better.  We've let the grandparents in on our secret -- they are overjoyed and have been a huge help with Fawn the past week.  Buck has definitely picked up the slack at home and on weekends, which I appreciate more than he will ever know.  For me, the sickness isn't so much a physical issue, but emotional one.  It makes me sad to know that I'm spending less time with Fawn because I'm sick -- I feel like I'm letting him down when we have such a limited amount of time left with just us.  I also feel sad for the new baby, because while I can't wait to hold a newborn and have our family complete, it's hard to be super-excited and positive while feeling so terrible.  So, I cross off the bad days and look forward to the good ones to come.  All the while trying to remember that the sickness is a sign of such a beautiful thing growing inside me -- a life that we so desperately wanted to add to our family.  And I remain thankful to God that we get to be parents again, and we can share with Fawn the gift of a sibling.

In Full Swing.

June 25, 2011

Morning sickness rears its ugly head.  Again.

I was terribly, miserably sick with Fawn.  It was about all I could do to make it through a work week at which point I would literally curl up in bed for the entire weekend.  No joke.  It was pathetic.  And, it lasted about half the length of the pregnancy.

Going into this pregnancy, I knew that the sickness would appear, but I was trying to use the power of positive thinking to convince myself that it wouldn't be as bad this time around because my life is so different now.  While I do chase a two-year old around all day and work too, I don't work the crazy, insane hours I was working in my early pregnancy with Fawn.  I have to admit, it does seem a little better.  And, it's not really morning sickness at all (I can say with a smile on my face at 7:12 am).  It creeps up about 11 am and lasts until about midnight.  It's pretty terrible then, but I've already gotten to enjoy a fun-filled morning with my son (so I don't feel like it's affecting his life too much).

Plus, this time around, I'm asking for the drugs.  Doctor's appointment is in T-minus five days and I cannot wait to get a prescription of the anti-nausea medication.  Until then. . .

Pregnancy Brain.

I'm keeping a list of all the dingbat things I do while pregnant.  Thought it would make the blog a little more entertaining:

June 13, 2011: Left oven on for 3 hours after cooking Fawn's chicken fingers for lunch.

June 16, 2011: Ran the dryer with no clothes in it.  I cleaned out the lint tray and apparently decided that I should run the dryer for no reason.  When it buzzed I had no clue what was drying . . . oh wait, that's because nothing was drying.

June 18, 2011: Along with an assortment of groceries, Buck brought home a package of Sister Shubert rolls for later in the week.  I put up the rest of the groceries, but for some inexplicable reason (aside from pregnancy brain of course) I took the rolls out of the package, read the baking instructions, and proceeded to bake them.  Hmm...

The Idea of You.

June 17, 2011

We found out we were expecting baby number two one week ago today.  We are ecstatic!  It's a different emotion than the first time around -- and I'm happy about that.  I don't want to compare my children or my pregnancies to one another, but because the experience so far is so different than with Fawn it feels more like apples and oranges and not so much of a comparison.


With Fawn, it was excitement, nervousness, giddiness.  With this sweet yet-to-be-given-a-blog-name, it is pure joy.  Now I know what being a mom means.  I know the joy of raising a child, of watching my husband be a dad, of falling in love with an infant. Each experience has been totally separate, and totally wonderful, in its own way (as I'm sure my children will be!).

I had grand plans of how I was going to break the news to Buck that we were expecting.  With Fawn, I wrapped up the pregnancy test and wrote him a sweet note to open.  It was so fun to see the look on his face when he opened it.  I wanted to create -- had planned to create -- a similar (yet different!) experience for him this time around.  But, it didn't happen.  After taking the pregnancy test, I was so overcome with emotions that I literally started sobbing in the bathroom.  Buck had run downstairs to let the dogs outside and when he returned to our bedroom to find me sobbing he didn't quite know what to think.  He told me later that he saw the pregnancy test in my hand but didn't know if I was overcome with joy at a positive or disappointment with a negative.  I shared the good news and he was elated.  (The elation was quickly followed by a classic Buck move: "I knew you were pregnant this time."  Easy to say now that we've taken a test buddy.)

We both have this peace about us.  We know what to expect this time around, and we want this pregnancy even more because we know how special it is to be a parent and what a blessing a child is to a family.  We are not worried about the "to do" list this time around -- we now know all you need are the basics.  There's no nursery to decorate (done in gender-neutral fashion for Fawn), no car seat or stroller to buy, and no books that absolutely must be read or you will fail as a parent.  As much as I enjoyed the excitement and build up to Fawn, it's refreshing to sit back and enjoy the ride a little more this time around.

We haven't shared our news with anyone yet.  For now its ours to savor and share.  Even Fawn doesn't know -- because if he knew, he would definitely tell.  So for now (and for as long as we can hide the secret) it's just between us (well us and the yet-to-be-given-a-blog-name peanut growing in my belly).

And Baby Makes...

four!  Yes, we are expecting baby number two.  He or she is set to arrive in February and we are thrilled.  Fawn will be three years old when our newest addition enters the world and he likewise seems excited about a baby.  I'm fifteen weeks pregnant and finally feeling really great.  Praise God!  Those first few months can be rough.

I've been keeping a pregnancy diary of sorts since I found out I was expecting in the form of blog entries I've written but haven't posted.  So, I'll be sharing those on the blog soon.  They may be totally boring to readers, but I hope my new little one will like the anecdotes from before his or her birth in the years to come.

I know my blogging has been more sporadic this summer, and I hope this latest piece of news explains why.  It's been a long summer to say the least.  Trying to balance entertaining Fawn, squeezing in part-time work, and being sick and exhausted has been tough.  I have to tip my hat to Buck who once again has proven why he's an absolutely fabulous husband.  He has pitched in at home in more ways than I can name.  He's also been primary childcare provider on the weekends as I've either been (1) in bed or (2) catching up on work I didn't get done during the week because I was in bed.  He has picked up the slack in all aspects of my home life.  And, I am so thankful because for me the hardest part of the first trimester was the emotional toll it took on me, not the physical one.  I just felt so guilty as a wife and mom -- like I was letting my husband and my son down because I simply couldn't keep up.  Now that it's a memory and not a reality I think I have a healthy dose of perspective, but at the time the guilt was almost as bad as the sickness.

I can't wait to hold a baby again.  I can't wait for Fawn to be a big brother and to meet his sibling.  I can't wait for our family to truly feel complete.  I can't wait for the big belly.  I know adding an infant will drastically change our comfortable routine, but it's just what we want, what we longed for, and what we prayed for.  We are so blessed and thankful that God has allowed us the privilege of becoming parents again.